Shock treatment

      From The Copy Desk: It's been a few weeks now and Marty has finally emerged from his emergency shock treatment .... immersed in pain -relieving gel, sipping bourbon and gobbling analgesics like M&Ms. The election was indeed a shock to him and now as the thrice-bankrupt prophet of rude prepares to lead the free world he's trying to figure out what he'll need to survive this more than normally uncertain future.


     "Hey Warren," Marty shouted, "should I get a gas-fueled electric generator for the burrow or six years of freeze-dried vegetarian meals. I'm running out of money and I can't decide."
     Warren thought for a bit and said, "How about three years of food and a solar panel. There's these companies that'll put a set of panels in your yard for free, you just gotta sign up to buy the power for 20 years or so.
     This will also leave some money in your account, which you will probably withdraw and hide at the bottom of the burrow."
      Warren knew Marty had a few more stages of grief to work through, what with the death of truth, and figured he'd let him do his crazy stuff and get it out of his system. Only then can they figure out what they really need to do and get on with that. Marty returned to the laptop and appeared to be shopping for solar panels.
     "Russian poodles," Marty screamed, looking up from the Mississippi.com webpage for pets. "Breeders have created a new dog. This is absurd. A pink dog with a blonde comb-over."
      Warren came over to see the picture and noticed something, "It says they're sold out. Also, the dogs can't be exported to the European Union because they're genetically modified."