Friday, June 16, 2017

The Dangers of Pants



     From The Copy Desk: As is well documented, indeed, from the beginning, The Boys have avoided the pitfalls and discomfort of ..... Pants. Now, they feel, they are vindicated.


An airborne menace.
   "Hey Warren," Marty said. "Have you seen that The Copy Desk (TCD) is up and about. He can actually walk again." It had been at least a week since either of The Boys saw TCD out in the garden near the summer burrow. The only visitor has been that one lone turkey, and she has the nerve to bathe on the marmots' sun porch.
    "I heard him tell someone he's on steroids," Warren said. "They also mentioned swell links, and I think, something about bird psyching. Where they talking about sausage and playing tricks on chickadees?"
     "Once again haphling, you've managed to get most of that wrong," Marty said. "It's true he was on steroids, but not the Jose Canseco-kind, just the ones that reduce swelling. Which is the second point, he said swelling, not swell links, and lastly - the birds are safe - the diagnosis was an inflamed bursar sack of the hip joint. Bursitis it's called.
   "The best guess as to what brought him down remains ....... his pants," Marty said. "It took years, but the long-term impact on his fatter wallet pressing against the diminishing muscle mass of a child of the Eisenhower Administration, the back pocket a bit lower as the bulging stomach limits the height to which the pants can be hitched ..... eventually there's enough aggravation and joint becomes so painful I saw him crawl across the kitchen to feed the cat."
     "Why would he do that?" Warren asked.
     "Because his leg didn't hurt when he crawled," Marty said.
     "No. I mean why would he feed the cat. They're hunters. She should feed herself," Warren said.
     From Copy Desk: The relative merits of cats in general, and specifically with regards to the current feline resident here at The Copy Desk, are debatable. We'll leave that for another time, suffice it to say for now that she could apply for and probably win PETA-approved status - as she rarely, if ever, seems to hunt anything.
     "So the lesson here is don't wear pants?" Warren asked. "But, mercifully, he still seems to wear pants, so I'll guess that he just keeps his wallet in his front pocket now."
     "And it's a good thing too," Marty said. "He's got an important job coming up, what with the holiday and all."

     From The Copy Desk: Yes the deadline approaches. The holiday is of course June 21, the 73rd birthday of now-Sir Raymond Douglas Davies, being knighted late last year, and in celebration The Boys and TCD generally round up a post with all dialogue being lines from Sir Ray songs; See: The Hard Way and The Tronald.