Top of the World

     The wind rushed around outside, just a bit short of a howl, and The Boys were settled in near the wood-stove for a long, cold afternoon of reading. Marty grabbed the new issue of Monax Jones (How The Thing You Hate Is Ruining Your World!) and Warren snagged the iPad off the chair.
      "Throw a log on half-bro," Marty said to Warren. With a new log safely ensconced in the metal box for wood burning, Warren set about to "reading."
     "Why are you wearing headphones if your reading on the iPad," Marty asked. "Why are you wearing headphones! Hey! Warren!"
      "What. Oh, right, you figured it out. Well OK, I'm watching cable TV on the iPad," Warren said. "So what."
     "What's on," Marty said.
     "I can't tell. It's either an old movie on TCM or it's the mid-term election results from the Democrats' point of view," Warren said.
     "Oh I know that one," Marty said. "Top of the World."

The Boys watching a movie, or election results.

    
     From The Copy Desk: Loyal readers will remember back a few months ago when Marty predicted the Democrats would retain control the the U.S. Senate. He was wrong, another data point in the case against groundhogs as useful prognosticators. Phree Phil! If you want to predict anything, it's best to use the "wisdom of the crowd" to improve your chances. See this story,
http://www.npr.org/blogs/parallels/2014/04/02/297839429/-so-you-think-youre-smarter-than-a-cia-agent

Twenty Cents

Warren with his two new dimes.

     It's been a while since The Boys have posted, but they'll tell you they've  been busy and couldn't find the time. In reality, which they sometimes visit, they are just a couple of lazy homebodies who on the whole have accomplished very little these last weeks ..... except for enjoying the amazing string of warm, sunny days that make living in Upstate New York worth all its other annoyances. Now however, they have some catching up to do - The Copy Desk.


     "The guy on CNBC says there's a new pair of dimes, now that the price of oil has crashed, the stock market is tanking, E-bola has escaped from Africa, ISIS is holding and gaining territory and the Republic Party looks poised to take control of the U.S. Senate next month," Warren quivered, shaken by the thought of impending doom injected into his brain by the "nooze media."
     "War, greed, pestilance and total disaster," Marty said, "Same old, same old. Keep Calm and Carry On, Warren. This is all just morte of the same."
     "So you're not worried?" Warren asked, "What about all the other things like ...."
     "No! It's just life. Things change, bad things happen and by the way the word is paradigm, and there are fewer overused phrases than 'new paradigm,'" Marty said. "So that's why you've got 20 cents there with you? You should really think about this stuff before you go out on a limb."
    Warren now realized that his harrowing trip to the bank to exchange his two old dimes for two new ones was pointless - unlike the dog with pointy teeth he had to avoid and the spears on chains at the bank. (They looked like pens, but none of them wrote so they had to be something else, Warren thought.)
     "But what about the market today, it's really taking a beating," Warren asked.

The Boys watch Wednesday's market meltdown.

"And Gold Man Sacks makes money no matter what happens," Marty said. "Besides, by the time The Copy Desk posts this, the market could change its mind and shoot back up. It's already bounced back from down 460 to down "just" 360."
     Warren, grinning, said, "So you're saying the market has recovered, since it's done a '360.'"
     "Sometimes, halph-brother, you really make me wish I was an only child," Marty said.
     "So now as punishment for your bad joke, I get to pontificate," Marty said, "so let's get to it, in list form, please, Mr. Copy Desk .....
     * ISIS is a minority and will eventually be overwhelmed by reasonable people. This is will be fine, until ISIS is replaced by another radical faction.
     * E-bola, it's not a new operating system. As a virus we can, and are reportedly close, develop vaccines and anti-viral treatments.
     * The plunge in oil prices was overdue since U.S. production surged and world demand eased - last year. This drop is good for the U.S. economy, to a point, and is providing the only real increased spending power to the 99 percent in the last decade.
     * Stock prices move all the time. The market trades on greed and fear. Now with computerized trading, it can swing faster and farther.
     * The U.S. Senate race isn't over yet. There are still a few weeks for Republic Party candidates to implode. The best non-biased site for tracking U.S. elections remains http://www.electoral-vote.com/
     * Troubles are a dime a dozen, we just might have 20 cents worth now because we've stopped solving problems in Washington, D.C. for the last four years.
     "Thank you, Holy Father,' Warren said.

Let's Be Reasonable

 
     "Hey old man, where have you been," Warren said to Marty. "You've been on vacation or something?"
     Marty, still feeling sated by, yes, his vacation, turned slowly to his annoying younger halfling of a brother and thinking before speaking what was really on his mind, said, "Scotland was wonderful. Great people, beautiful county and so civilized. If you put traffic circles on U.S. urban expressways there would be mass shootings, accidents galore and gridlock from confusion.
     "But in Scotland, all the drivers are not eating, talking on their phone or otherwise distracted, so the traffic circles work great. It helps they're all driving stick shifts, so they don't have an extra hand for texting and eating."
     "I'm hungry now," Warren said. "Let's go get some fast food."
     "I wouldn't advise it," Marty said. "Both on health grounds and because the workers could be out walking the picket line to demand better pay."
     (From The Copy Desk: Last week American fast food workers staged another protest/picket to demand $15 per hour, a living wage, and once again this was dismissed by the giant corporations as "not reasonable." For more information see: strikefastfood.org)
     "The corporations all say they can't afford to raise the pay of their workers," Marty said, "but the CEO of McDonald's makes about $9,200 per hour. That's almost 600 times the salary of a typical burger slinger.
     "And then there's Burger King. It's buying Tim Horton's and 'relocating' to Canada. This is a tax dodge, to get the lower Canadian corporate tax. Very patriotic of them."
     "That's insane," Warren said. "I'll never eat one of their salads again. Would this move really save them money?"
     "Actually, it may be debatable," Marty said. "The statutory U.S. corporate tax rate is 35 percent, but with all the loopholes and tax dodges the effective corporate rate is about 12.5 percent. So these tax-driven moves to overseas may not be the windfall these very profitable companies hope for."
     Warren, once again appearing a bit dazed, said, "It's clear to me now. The corporate greed syndrome makes the rich richer, and the rest of us suffer. As long as we patronize them that's oppressing us, we will be complicit and suffer for it."
     "Amen," Marty said.

The Word Marmot

    
     "Hey Marty, what's hypocrisy," Warren asked.
     "You gotta start looking this stuff up for yourself," Marty said. "You learn by doing, so get to it."
     Warren wandered over to the Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language (1989 edition), wondering why, since the first four words of the title ARE in English they felt the need to add the "of the English Language" bit to the title - it seemed superfluous.
     "OK, lets see. H - I - P," Warren said out loud.
     "Wrong again Cheney," Marty snarked.
     "I'll get there, let me do the work you told me to do," Warren said. "OK, sorry," Marty said.
     From The Copy Desk: At this point we need to cite this for the lexicographers; this may be the first usage of Cheney as an general term for someone who's wrong all the time.
     "Hey I found it," Warren said. "It says 'hy-poc-ri-sy, n. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not possess.'"
     "That's good, now you need a solid example to set the concept for you," Marty said. "And the best one in the news now is Hobby Lobby."
     "That's the 'closely-held' corporation with religious beliefs?" Warren asked. "Which accepts the benefits of incorporation, personal asset protection, deductible expenses, various tax incentives and flexibility, name protection and perpetual existence . . . but refuses on religious grounds to obey the law that requires them to offer certain medical benefits to its employees - certain contraceptives that it feels are abortion, even though medically it's not considered as such.
    "But where's the hypocrisy," Warren said.
     "Well, this corporation makes its profits selling stuff that's mostly made in China, where there is religious prosecution, forced abortions, child labor and litany of other offenses suitable for religious objections," Marty said, "But it's quite happy to keep these profits. They just don't want to spend the money they make selling things from China on the individual choices made by their employees."
     "I've got it now," Warren said. "

The Hard Way

     "Lazy old sun, what have you done to summertime," Marty grumbled, after the third day in a row of dark clouds and rain.
     "I'm too terrified to walk out of my own front door," Warren said, after yet another clap of thunder rattled the dishes in the summer burrow.

Warren watches Eric Cantor quit the House leadership.

So, while they were holed up in the burrow, The Boys turned on the cable news and saw that a highly conservative member of the terribly conservative wing of the Republic Party, who, after losing his party primary for not being conservative enough, was in the process of resigning his post in the party leadership in the U.S. House of Representatives.
     "Something better beginning," Marty quipped. "How I love to hear the demolition sound."
      Warren cocked his head and asked, "You really got me. I'm not dumb but I can't understand."
     Marty paused, realizing his half-brother could not see that this political infighting could be the first crack in the Republic Party's hopes to make serious gains in the fall elections. "Conservatives live in a world gone by," Marty said, adding vehemently, "No more looking back. No more living in the past."
     "This time tomorrow what will we know," Warren asked.
      Of course this is too soon to know much of anything new, but Marty felt that the future was worth pondering with regard to today's situation with the rival political parties ... but "hatred is the only thing that lasts forever," he said sadly.
     Warren, now gazing at the television with glazed eyes, said, "Look at all the loonies and sad eyed failures."
     Marty glanced over, seeing the Faux Nooze clones lounging on their couches was they spouted their distortions, and stated, "You look like a real human being but you don't have a mind of your own . . . you're brainwashed."

     From The Copy Desk: The ardent Kinks' fans out there saw it, but for the rest of you "dull and simple lad(s)," all The Boys' statements above are lines lifted from Kinks songs . . . their way of honoring Raymond Douglas Davies on the occasion of his 70th birthday yesterday, June 21. God Bless The Kinks.

Gooooooals Are Important

Marty and Warren watching a World Cup Finals football
match between Iran and Nigeria.

     "This is like the 13th match we've watched since last Thursday," Warren said.
     "This IS the 13th match we've watched," Marty said, disgusted with Warren's use of the dreaded "like" word.
     "This is easily the worst match so far," Warren said. "That Germany game and the Netherlands destruction of Spain, wow, and then Costa Rica knocks off Uruguay. Amazing."
     "It's Iran v. Nigeria. One team is athletic, but disorganized, and the other just wants to defend and pray for a counter-attack goal," Marty said. "As they did on June 21, 1998, when they dealt "Death to America" with a 2-1 victory over the USA in Lyon, France. It knocked us out of the tournament."
     Warren asked, "Is that another one of those things you just remember?"
     "No, I needed Marmopedia to get the date exactly right. After the USA game today, I'm going back to rooting for our boys from the Ivory Coast," Marty said. "On Thursday "The Elephants" are back in action against Colombia."
    "The Elephants? What you talkin' 'bout Marty," Warren said. "They don't let elephants play football in the World Cup."

     "No, that's just the nickname of the Ivory Coast team, or Cote' d'Ivoire if you want to get all French about it."
     "Hey it's almost game time. Grab the dinner and the beverages and lets go. USA! USA!," Marty said.
     "I got it, Ghana's gonna go down," Warren cried.
      From The Copy Desk: Yes The Boys' second-favorite football team is the Ivory Coast. Just because they like elephants, and wish just some of the Predator drones on the planet would be deployed to defend the herds from poachers. See their earlier post "Drone Alone."
    
    

Survey Results

Marty, as required by federal law, fills out his American Community Survey.

     From The Copy Desk: Marty was exhausted after filling out the American Community Survey for the U.S. Census Bureau. So he took a nap, but unfortunately where he laid down later was in direct sunlight - nearly frying his brain. Warren's quick action to put a cold compress on Marty's head saved the day and the sudden cold gave Marty a clear insight and vision for this November. What follows is a rough transcript of his predictions.


     M: Whoa. My head hurts. Why do I have a cold towel on my head?
     W: You fell asleep in the sun and nearly fried your brain. The cold towel should bring you back to reality. You've been babbling. You said something about the Cent Nate and the Demo Crates.
     M: That would be the Senate and the Democrats. You should get your hearing checked.
     W: OK. The Senate and the Democrats. What about them?

Marty out on a limb to predict the 2014 election.

     M: It occurs to me that the prevailing pundit predictions are wrong. There's more going on than they'll admit to and even more that they willfully ignore.
     W: Do tell.
     M:Well, right off the bat, I say the Democrats hold on to the U.S. Senate. The extreme Republic Party rhetoric will alienate enough voters to make it possible for the Democrats to hang on. Also, the economy will finally start to grow and that will also help immensely. Other factors could also help - economic growth in Europe, a realization that the rabid, blanket opposition to anything the current administration does is actually damaging the nation, a backlash against the sea of secret money that, if reports are true, has already purchased all the relevant television time in all important markets and, this is my favorite part, a superior 'ground game' by the Democrats to get out their voters.
     W: I think your head is still too hot.
     M: Nope. I can see clearly now the pain is gone.
    

Nyet Neutrality

     From The Copy Desk: Marty and Warren are concerned about the recent Federal Communications Commission proposal to "preserve" net neutrality . . . the concept that has made the Internet work as well as it has so far and also made it the dangerous, ad-infested, banal and gross place that it is - all data is equal.



     "Hey Marty look at this webpage," Warren shouted. "There's videos of humans doing really stupid things. They're so cute when they fall down."

Warren checks out stupid human videos.

     Marty looked up from the U.S. Census Bureau's "American Community Survey" packet he'd recently received in the mail. "Don't bother me," Marty grumbled. "I have to fill out this stupid form for the federal government."
     "Why? Can't they fill out their own forms, they must be pretty stupid. Maybe there's videos of federal bureaucrats doing stupid things," Warren said. (There are, of course, videos of federal bureaucrats doing stupid things. And yes, they should all be collected at one website for the public's entertainment - we should get more for our money. I'm talking to you GSA. - The Copy Desk)
     "No silly. They want to know stuff about us and our house," Marty said.
     "Isn't that what the NSA is for," Warren quipped.
      "Well mostly," Marty said. "Maybe they're testing our honesty. If my answers don't agree with their data - fire up the black helicopters."
     "So why did your survey come in the mail," Warren asked. "Can't you do it online?"
     "I could have but I didn't want to log into any more federal websites than I have to. It's best to keep a low profile with those guys," Marty said. "Also, if the Chinese hackers are into the Census Bureau's systems, they'll  be able to get at me."
     "Sounds scary, who's supposed to protect us from online threats and keep this thing working good," Warren asked.
     "That's the job of the Federal Communications Commission," Marty said. "And some other bureaucrats and spies, but the FCC makes the basic rules, when they get around to it.
     "Did you see the story about the FCC proposing new rules designed to preserve net neutrality," Marty said. "It's pretty funny. They decided that it is, indeed, wrong to let Internet Service Providers slow down some data for the benefit of data from sources that pay them more, but then said it's OK to let ISPs speed up some data from sources that pay them more."
    "That makes no sense, how do I tell them it's a stupid idea," Warren said.
    "I think there's a federal website you can go to, but I haven't looked it up," Marty said. (To comment of the FCC's proposed net neutrality rule visit  FCC.gov/comments and go to Proceeding No. 14-28, also known as "Protecting and Promoting the Open Internet." - The Copy Desk)
     "If they let the money control the flow of data packets on the Internet," Marty warned, "It will be the end of the largest freely open collaboration, communication and creation system ever devised."
    Warren whispered in Marty's ear, he seemed to think for a bit, whispered back into Warren's ear and then they scurried off to the lab.

Warren and Marty with a series of tubes, intent on building their own Internet.

Happy "Brothers Day"

     From The Copy Desk: It is worth remembering that groundhogs, Latin name marmota monax, are a bit hard of hearing. Who am I to stop them if they're having fun.


    

Marty and Warren celebrating "Brothers Day" with some regional beverages.
 From The Copy Desk: You can see why green and purple are the boys' favorite colors.

Either Oar

   Heaven sometimes speaks through the mouths of false prophets for the confusion of the wicked.
                                                                                   - Father Fray Antonio Agapida

                                                     Washington Irving, Chronicle of the Fall of Grenada


      Warren, still recovering from his recent enlightenment, faced the daunting task of rebuilding his worldview.Thankfully he's not German, or he'd have to learn to spell that really long German word for worldview. 
      So the younger half-brother turned once again to Marty, posing this question, "So how is it that things are so messed up at this time."
     "That's a long story," Marty said. "But I'll give you the 'Cliff Notes' version. I blame Congress."
     "What does a precipice have to do with any of this," Warren said. "There's no cliffs around here for 20 miles."
     Marty sighed, wondering how to explain the situation to his simple halfling brother. "Sorry, let me start over with a metaphor.
     "If we were in a rowboat, sharing the work, we would need to row together or we'd just go around in circles. That's what's happening now . . . one side of the boat, on the ship of state if you will, isn't rowing."
     "Who's not rowing," Warren asked. "Is it the Republic Party?"
     "You've been paying attention, good gopher," Marty said.
     "Here's the details, in list form," Marty said.
     * Obama is a weak leader - so say the same people who howled in opposition when he threatened to bomb Syria.
     * The stimulus package was a failure - so say those who fail to mention 1/3 for the money went to their favorite things, tax cuts, which did little to help the economy and left too little money for things like infrastructure that actually put people to work.
     * The IRS targets conservative groups - actually it also targeted all the groups with "Occupy" in the name.
     * Obama is a dictator - (see Obama is a weak leader above, then ponder the paradox) the president uses the tools of the executive branch to help make things better because Congress won't do anything.

Marty and Warren watch The Daily Show.

     * Benghazi is a terrible scandal and coverup - so say the people who voted to reduce the funding of the State Department's security program. And besides, investigations about TV talk show "talking points' is really just politicians accusing politicians of being politicians.
     * The Affordable Care Act is a terrible idea - which came from the Heritage Foundation, a market-based solution to covering the uninsured.
     *  The President's policies have impeded economic progress - so say those who threatened to default on the nation's debt.
      * "Voter Fraud" justifies onerous requirements for voting and restrictions or elimination of expanded voting -  besides there being no real proof of almost ANY individual voter fraud, how dare they stand there and deny Americans votes when they suppress votes in areas unlikely to support them by reducing polling places and the capacity of the remaining polling places (Ohio, in particular).
     * Obama's actions somehow "disrespect" the office of the president - so say those who denigrate and insult the man who was elected president twice (one more than George W. Bush, who after all was appointed the first time by the Supreme Court).
     * The "Left" is at war with religion - well maybe with fundamentalist fanatics who refuse to let others believe what they want (freedom) and insist on imposing their views on everyone else (in a nation founded on religious freedom, the Founding Fathers said you can't legislate a man's beliefs . . . also see Jefferson's Virginia Statute of Religious Freedom).

     "Wow, that's 10 things," Warren said, "Is there more?"
     Marty looked over at the glazed-eyed half-brother and rolled his eyes. "Indeed, but we'll get to that another day."