Fat in the Ring

     From The Copy Desk: Now that even former N.Y. Governor George E. Pataki (remember him?) has declared his candidacy for the Republic Party Presidential nomination, and after several moments of not so careful consideration, Warren has decided to make a very important announcement.


     " Good afternoon. It's good to see you all here. Thanks for coming," Warren said.
     "I live here and there's nobody else around," Marty grumbled. "Maybe they have all gone to Iowa to woo voters."
     Warren, trying to ignore Marty, continued, "It has come to my attention that many, many things are really messed up and that someone should do something about it.
     "That someone is me . . . I am Warren Marmot Douglas and I now declare myself a candidate for the Republic Party Presidential nomination. Kind of."
     "What the hell does that mean," Marty said. "You want to be a kind of President? Are you founding the Meh? Party?"
     "Here's the plan," Warren said. "I will focus all my campaign efforts on Minnesota. It's my natural constituency. Despite all the lakes, which scare me, I think a state where its major university has 'Golden Gophers' as the mascot is one I can carry."
     "Great. You'll win one state," Marty said. "What will that accomplish?"
     "Well, first of all, think about all the food," Warren said. "Everywhere you go you have to eat the local food or you'll insult people. A whole year of free food!"
     "OK, so you'll get really fat for free," Marty said. "Any other benefits?"
     "With so many candidates, the chances for a deadlocked convention increase, and if I control even a few delegates . .  I could be the GOP power-broker - without spending nearly a billion dollars like some plutocrat," Warren said.
     "On to Bemidji!"

Oh, the Hannity!

A gas bag has certain risks.

     
     From The Copy Desk: It's been a while since the last update and there's news from the wandering would-be wonks, Marty and Warren, who seem to be enjoying their foray into the educational-industrial complex (albeit with vegan food) so much that they missed the car home last week . . . twice. We're thinking they don't like us any more. Which makes The Copy Desk sad. But life goes on and sometimes we think about stuff.

Lecturing people about racism.

     Warren and Marty were alone in the room, which to their horror featured a laptop streaming Faux News. After many hours of application, the glazed look in Warren's eyes told Marty it was too late to save his half-brother. He would be convinced all his misconceptions, misconsrues and mislabeling was actually fact.He would also buy lots of gold.
     "I've got to shut down that laptop," Marty said,.
     Zombie-Warren sprang up to stand between Marty and the laptop. "You shall not pass," he howled.
     "Sorry, I left my Balrog in my other pants. Oh, wait, I don't own pants," Marty said. "It's time to cut the cord Warren. Regain your brain. Think!"

    

I'm Mad As Hell

From The Copy Desk:

      Two of the great disappointments of my life involve NBC. At some point in the late '60s, I won permission to stay up late to watch The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson because B.B. King was on the show.
     But the dolts at NBC (I'm talking to you Fred de Cordova), lacked enough of a brain to get this simple task right. B.B. King came out and was singing, and, as he put his left hand up on Lucille's neck and was about to play his first notes - they cut to commercial.
     Then, 45 years later, I sat down to watch the London Olympic ceremony because I heard that Ray Davies was going to lead the world in a sing-a-long of Waterloo Sunset .... but of course they cut it because of time.
   
NBC . . . . Never Been Competent. At least they are consistent.

     God Bless Riley B. King. RIP.