The Word Marmot

    
     "Hey Marty, what's hypocrisy," Warren asked.
     "You gotta start looking this stuff up for yourself," Marty said. "You learn by doing, so get to it."
     Warren wandered over to the Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language (1989 edition), wondering why, since the first four words of the title ARE in English they felt the need to add the "of the English Language" bit to the title - it seemed superfluous.
     "OK, lets see. H - I - P," Warren said out loud.
     "Wrong again Cheney," Marty snarked.
     "I'll get there, let me do the work you told me to do," Warren said. "OK, sorry," Marty said.
     From The Copy Desk: At this point we need to cite this for the lexicographers; this may be the first usage of Cheney as an general term for someone who's wrong all the time.
     "Hey I found it," Warren said. "It says 'hy-poc-ri-sy, n. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not possess.'"
     "That's good, now you need a solid example to set the concept for you," Marty said. "And the best one in the news now is Hobby Lobby."
     "That's the 'closely-held' corporation with religious beliefs?" Warren asked. "Which accepts the benefits of incorporation, personal asset protection, deductible expenses, various tax incentives and flexibility, name protection and perpetual existence . . . but refuses on religious grounds to obey the law that requires them to offer certain medical benefits to its employees - certain contraceptives that it feels are abortion, even though medically it's not considered as such.
    "But where's the hypocrisy," Warren said.
     "Well, this corporation makes its profits selling stuff that's mostly made in China, where there is religious prosecution, forced abortions, child labor and litany of other offenses suitable for religious objections," Marty said, "But it's quite happy to keep these profits. They just don't want to spend the money they make selling things from China on the individual choices made by their employees."
     "I've got it now," Warren said. "

The Hard Way

     "Lazy old sun, what have you done to summertime," Marty grumbled, after the third day in a row of dark clouds and rain.
     "I'm too terrified to walk out of my own front door," Warren said, after yet another clap of thunder rattled the dishes in the summer burrow.

Warren watches Eric Cantor quit the House leadership.

So, while they were holed up in the burrow, The Boys turned on the cable news and saw that a highly conservative member of the terribly conservative wing of the Republic Party, who, after losing his party primary for not being conservative enough, was in the process of resigning his post in the party leadership in the U.S. House of Representatives.
     "Something better beginning," Marty quipped. "How I love to hear the demolition sound."
      Warren cocked his head and asked, "You really got me. I'm not dumb but I can't understand."
     Marty paused, realizing his half-brother could not see that this political infighting could be the first crack in the Republic Party's hopes to make serious gains in the fall elections. "Conservatives live in a world gone by," Marty said, adding vehemently, "No more looking back. No more living in the past."
     "This time tomorrow what will we know," Warren asked.
      Of course this is too soon to know much of anything new, but Marty felt that the future was worth pondering with regard to today's situation with the rival political parties ... but "hatred is the only thing that lasts forever," he said sadly.
     Warren, now gazing at the television with glazed eyes, said, "Look at all the loonies and sad eyed failures."
     Marty glanced over, seeing the Faux Nooze clones lounging on their couches was they spouted their distortions, and stated, "You look like a real human being but you don't have a mind of your own . . . you're brainwashed."

     From The Copy Desk: The ardent Kinks' fans out there saw it, but for the rest of you "dull and simple lad(s)," all The Boys' statements above are lines lifted from Kinks songs . . . their way of honoring Raymond Douglas Davies on the occasion of his 70th birthday yesterday, June 21. God Bless The Kinks.

Gooooooals Are Important

Marty and Warren watching a World Cup Finals football
match between Iran and Nigeria.

     "This is like the 13th match we've watched since last Thursday," Warren said.
     "This IS the 13th match we've watched," Marty said, disgusted with Warren's use of the dreaded "like" word.
     "This is easily the worst match so far," Warren said. "That Germany game and the Netherlands destruction of Spain, wow, and then Costa Rica knocks off Uruguay. Amazing."
     "It's Iran v. Nigeria. One team is athletic, but disorganized, and the other just wants to defend and pray for a counter-attack goal," Marty said. "As they did on June 21, 1998, when they dealt "Death to America" with a 2-1 victory over the USA in Lyon, France. It knocked us out of the tournament."
     Warren asked, "Is that another one of those things you just remember?"
     "No, I needed Marmopedia to get the date exactly right. After the USA game today, I'm going back to rooting for our boys from the Ivory Coast," Marty said. "On Thursday "The Elephants" are back in action against Colombia."
    "The Elephants? What you talkin' 'bout Marty," Warren said. "They don't let elephants play football in the World Cup."

     "No, that's just the nickname of the Ivory Coast team, or Cote' d'Ivoire if you want to get all French about it."
     "Hey it's almost game time. Grab the dinner and the beverages and lets go. USA! USA!," Marty said.
     "I got it, Ghana's gonna go down," Warren cried.
      From The Copy Desk: Yes The Boys' second-favorite football team is the Ivory Coast. Just because they like elephants, and wish just some of the Predator drones on the planet would be deployed to defend the herds from poachers. See their earlier post "Drone Alone."
    
    

Survey Results

Marty, as required by federal law, fills out his American Community Survey.

     From The Copy Desk: Marty was exhausted after filling out the American Community Survey for the U.S. Census Bureau. So he took a nap, but unfortunately where he laid down later was in direct sunlight - nearly frying his brain. Warren's quick action to put a cold compress on Marty's head saved the day and the sudden cold gave Marty a clear insight and vision for this November. What follows is a rough transcript of his predictions.


     M: Whoa. My head hurts. Why do I have a cold towel on my head?
     W: You fell asleep in the sun and nearly fried your brain. The cold towel should bring you back to reality. You've been babbling. You said something about the Cent Nate and the Demo Crates.
     M: That would be the Senate and the Democrats. You should get your hearing checked.
     W: OK. The Senate and the Democrats. What about them?

Marty out on a limb to predict the 2014 election.

     M: It occurs to me that the prevailing pundit predictions are wrong. There's more going on than they'll admit to and even more that they willfully ignore.
     W: Do tell.
     M:Well, right off the bat, I say the Democrats hold on to the U.S. Senate. The extreme Republic Party rhetoric will alienate enough voters to make it possible for the Democrats to hang on. Also, the economy will finally start to grow and that will also help immensely. Other factors could also help - economic growth in Europe, a realization that the rabid, blanket opposition to anything the current administration does is actually damaging the nation, a backlash against the sea of secret money that, if reports are true, has already purchased all the relevant television time in all important markets and, this is my favorite part, a superior 'ground game' by the Democrats to get out their voters.
     W: I think your head is still too hot.
     M: Nope. I can see clearly now the pain is gone.
    

Nyet Neutrality

     From The Copy Desk: Marty and Warren are concerned about the recent Federal Communications Commission proposal to "preserve" net neutrality . . . the concept that has made the Internet work as well as it has so far and also made it the dangerous, ad-infested, banal and gross place that it is - all data is equal.



     "Hey Marty look at this webpage," Warren shouted. "There's videos of humans doing really stupid things. They're so cute when they fall down."

Warren checks out stupid human videos.

     Marty looked up from the U.S. Census Bureau's "American Community Survey" packet he'd recently received in the mail. "Don't bother me," Marty grumbled. "I have to fill out this stupid form for the federal government."
     "Why? Can't they fill out their own forms, they must be pretty stupid. Maybe there's videos of federal bureaucrats doing stupid things," Warren said. (There are, of course, videos of federal bureaucrats doing stupid things. And yes, they should all be collected at one website for the public's entertainment - we should get more for our money. I'm talking to you GSA. - The Copy Desk)
     "No silly. They want to know stuff about us and our house," Marty said.
     "Isn't that what the NSA is for," Warren quipped.
      "Well mostly," Marty said. "Maybe they're testing our honesty. If my answers don't agree with their data - fire up the black helicopters."
     "So why did your survey come in the mail," Warren asked. "Can't you do it online?"
     "I could have but I didn't want to log into any more federal websites than I have to. It's best to keep a low profile with those guys," Marty said. "Also, if the Chinese hackers are into the Census Bureau's systems, they'll  be able to get at me."
     "Sounds scary, who's supposed to protect us from online threats and keep this thing working good," Warren asked.
     "That's the job of the Federal Communications Commission," Marty said. "And some other bureaucrats and spies, but the FCC makes the basic rules, when they get around to it.
     "Did you see the story about the FCC proposing new rules designed to preserve net neutrality," Marty said. "It's pretty funny. They decided that it is, indeed, wrong to let Internet Service Providers slow down some data for the benefit of data from sources that pay them more, but then said it's OK to let ISPs speed up some data from sources that pay them more."
    "That makes no sense, how do I tell them it's a stupid idea," Warren said.
    "I think there's a federal website you can go to, but I haven't looked it up," Marty said. (To comment of the FCC's proposed net neutrality rule visit  FCC.gov/comments and go to Proceeding No. 14-28, also known as "Protecting and Promoting the Open Internet." - The Copy Desk)
     "If they let the money control the flow of data packets on the Internet," Marty warned, "It will be the end of the largest freely open collaboration, communication and creation system ever devised."
    Warren whispered in Marty's ear, he seemed to think for a bit, whispered back into Warren's ear and then they scurried off to the lab.

Warren and Marty with a series of tubes, intent on building their own Internet.

Happy "Brothers Day"

     From The Copy Desk: It is worth remembering that groundhogs, Latin name marmota monax, are a bit hard of hearing. Who am I to stop them if they're having fun.


    

Marty and Warren celebrating "Brothers Day" with some regional beverages.
 From The Copy Desk: You can see why green and purple are the boys' favorite colors.

Either Oar

   Heaven sometimes speaks through the mouths of false prophets for the confusion of the wicked.
                                                                                   - Father Fray Antonio Agapida

                                                     Washington Irving, Chronicle of the Fall of Grenada


      Warren, still recovering from his recent enlightenment, faced the daunting task of rebuilding his worldview.Thankfully he's not German, or he'd have to learn to spell that really long German word for worldview. 
      So the younger half-brother turned once again to Marty, posing this question, "So how is it that things are so messed up at this time."
     "That's a long story," Marty said. "But I'll give you the 'Cliff Notes' version. I blame Congress."
     "What does a precipice have to do with any of this," Warren said. "There's no cliffs around here for 20 miles."
     Marty sighed, wondering how to explain the situation to his simple halfling brother. "Sorry, let me start over with a metaphor.
     "If we were in a rowboat, sharing the work, we would need to row together or we'd just go around in circles. That's what's happening now . . . one side of the boat, on the ship of state if you will, isn't rowing."
     "Who's not rowing," Warren asked. "Is it the Republic Party?"
     "You've been paying attention, good gopher," Marty said.
     "Here's the details, in list form," Marty said.
     * Obama is a weak leader - so say the same people who howled in opposition when he threatened to bomb Syria.
     * The stimulus package was a failure - so say those who fail to mention 1/3 for the money went to their favorite things, tax cuts, which did little to help the economy and left too little money for things like infrastructure that actually put people to work.
     * The IRS targets conservative groups - actually it also targeted all the groups with "Occupy" in the name.
     * Obama is a dictator - (see Obama is a weak leader above, then ponder the paradox) the president uses the tools of the executive branch to help make things better because Congress won't do anything.

Marty and Warren watch The Daily Show.

     * Benghazi is a terrible scandal and coverup - so say the people who voted to reduce the funding of the State Department's security program. And besides, investigations about TV talk show "talking points' is really just politicians accusing politicians of being politicians.
     * The Affordable Care Act is a terrible idea - which came from the Heritage Foundation, a market-based solution to covering the uninsured.
     *  The President's policies have impeded economic progress - so say those who threatened to default on the nation's debt.
      * "Voter Fraud" justifies onerous requirements for voting and restrictions or elimination of expanded voting -  besides there being no real proof of almost ANY individual voter fraud, how dare they stand there and deny Americans votes when they suppress votes in areas unlikely to support them by reducing polling places and the capacity of the remaining polling places (Ohio, in particular).
     * Obama's actions somehow "disrespect" the office of the president - so say those who denigrate and insult the man who was elected president twice (one more than George W. Bush, who after all was appointed the first time by the Supreme Court).
     * The "Left" is at war with religion - well maybe with fundamentalist fanatics who refuse to let others believe what they want (freedom) and insist on imposing their views on everyone else (in a nation founded on religious freedom, the Founding Fathers said you can't legislate a man's beliefs . . . also see Jefferson's Virginia Statute of Religious Freedom).

     "Wow, that's 10 things," Warren said, "Is there more?"
     Marty looked over at the glazed-eyed half-brother and rolled his eyes. "Indeed, but we'll get to that another day."

      

      

Earth Day

Marty and Warren celebrating Earth Day, April 22.

     From The Copy Desk: The boys are busy today, digging and whatnot, so they asked The Copy Desk to offer a holiday message on their behalf.

     On Earth Day, one of the major holidays on the Groundhog Daze calendar, it's important to get out and interact with the soil. Actually, it's important to do that a lot more than most of us do . . . and not with a tiller or a tractor, but with hand tools. Go plant something, clear out a garden bed or just lie down in the grass in the sun. The boys are proponents of a quieter life .... walks without iPods in your ears, phones that are turned off and time to just be with your own thoughts. Digging is therapeutic, try it some time.

News to Me Too

     Some things, like a Ray Davies song or Count Basie's left hand, approach perfection. Others, well, not so much. - The Copy Desk



     It's spring. Warren was outside waiting for the first new grass to grow. Marty lounged about inside, doing some shopping at Mississippi.com for some new music. He had just finished making his predictions at his web-enabled prediction league. (This marmot, unlike the imprisoned Phil, is paid for his dedicated prediction league participation, in the form of a Mississippi.com gift card worth 250 clods - The Copy Desk)
     Warren popped his head inside, shouting, "I think the grass is about to grow. You should come outside and watch with me." Marty glanced at the outside temperature, 34 degrees, and knew Warren was once again delusional. "It can't be growing yet, science says it's too cold," Marty said.
     "So much for global warming, you just admitted it, finally," Warren said with glee. Warren went back outside, secure in his faith that the grass was about to sprout - that's what they told him on Faux News, and he believed everything they said ..... once they shouted it over and over enough.
      "Weather is not climate," Marty said loudly enough for Warren to hear, but not so loud as to be construed as a shout, a sign of the weakness of your argument.The news, the politicians - what if anything they say is the truth, Marty thought. Wrong on almost every subject, that's the Republic  Party, and nobody seems to care or call them out on it.
     "Grass doesn't grow at 34 degrees," Marty told Warren in the cold spring sunshine outside. "You should come in, without pants you'll freeze."
     "No. It's starting to grow now," Warren insisted. "Look it's greener than it was an hour ago."
     "It's not growing, the globe is warming, not all poor people are lazy, the rich are not job creators, corporations are not people, money is not speech, hedge funds and computerized trading are skimming money out of all our pockets, the Standard American Diet is bad for your health, no one should ever eat fast food, deficits are not the problem during a recession, budget cuts don't create economic growth, the rich can't keep getting richer indefinitely and groundhogs are no better at predicting things than any other species," Marty said.
    

Warren, bowled over by the truth.

      (But you'll notice there's a bit of green grass behind Warren - The Copy Desk)

News to me

           Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the world made sense. Political debates raged, passionate speeches were made and the facts were all generally accepted. No more. So in light of this change, The Boys take a look at modern political "discourse." - The Copy Desk



          "It says here that OsamaCare gives you herpes," Warren said, looking up from his Coke Mothers' Monthly magazine. "And it also makes you fat, impotent and after you get old and sick, they send you to the death star."
          Marty shrugged. He has been telling Warren for years now that the facts, for some, are flexible. It seems that just the mindless repetition of misinformation, and peoples' unwillingness to actually think, has created a nation of people willing to vote against their own interests. "I can't even listen to the news anymore," Marty said. "They debate things that were settled decades ago, block everyday normal actions out of spite  . . .  putting party above patriotism. It actually makes me feel sick at times."
          Putting on the hot water for tea, Marty contemplated the changes, ciphering in the changes in the media landscape, the demise of the gatekeepers, the rise of money and the fact that money seems to equal speech, and decided to shrug off his malaise and look for a way through this thicket of troubles.
          The tea, ginger and lemon, would help with the sickening feeling that the deliberate lies, distortions and willful ignorance causes in his stomach. "Why is it so many people believe this stuff?" he thought. "Are they really so incurious as to think that not thinking is the best way to make policy, to ignore facts will get you to the truth, that making stuff up will fool most of the people most of the time?"
         "The biggest issues," Marty said, "Are that most people have no sense of proportion and they totally lack any historical perspective."
         "Give me some examples," Warren said.
          "Oh where do I start. It could be light bulbs, immigration, climate change, the deficit or any of the recent fake scandals," Marty said.
           "Light bulbs? You're going back to the thing about lumens?" Warren said. "Please don't shout at me again."

Marty stays informed with one of his favorite magazines.

            "Not this time," Marty said. "But the whole "government wants to take away my incandescent light bulbs" distortion is epic. The law was passed 8 or 10 years ago and it requires that incandescent bulbs become more efficient. It doesn't ban them. But the people who actually sponsored and voted for the law took to jumping in front of cameras to shout about the arrogance of the administration. Prompting normal people to buy a lifetime supply of less efficient bulbs. When in fact it was their party and their president who passed the law."
         "How do you remember all this stuff," Warren asked.
         "Like you half-brother," Marty said, "It's a gift and a curse."